The Absinthe Fairy.

I trusted you.


I held on to the promises you made;
and i kept to mine.

I woke up this morning to see this....!!!










My whole body had this weird rash that's making me feel hot, itchy and pain all over at the same time! ^^%$#@!^@&(*

It was by far the longest 3 hours of my life!
Made mistakes, learnt from them, and looking forward to it!


I'm too exhausted to fill you in with more details now, gonna find a pail and soak my feet in warm water.. My closest alternative to a bubble bath ;)


I'm keeping my fingers crossed even when i go to bed tonight...

Stay tuned for more!
x.

If you can no longer fit me into the box,
don't force. 
Because i won't struggle to stay,
and suffocate in it.




I'd rather be arranged neatly in a row;
i'd even rather be laying around soullessly.

This. is what happens when one follows her heart, and not her head.








Yes, it's beautiful. No doubt.

But most often than not, you spend a huge amount of money buying this..shoe   thing which you can only put on for 1/2 an hour, gives you blisters on the feet, causes your back to hurt, makes you end up walking like a duck... and something that you'd probably take it off even before the night has ended!


Same theory applies to every other aspects in life.
You need to tell yourself to use your head.
and THINK,
not FEEL.





You should never, never feel.

On a brighter note, i'm still waiting, hoping and wishing..
i'm still hanging in there trying to prove everything wrong;
not wanting to give up.
Some calls it stubborn; some says its just plain stupid,
i beg not to differ.

But unfortunately, bad news is that im holding on to this rope
using only one hand.
That's all the energy that is left in me.
I can stay like this for a while more, or maybe longer, for as long as my determination and strength allows me to,
but i don't want to see the day where my blistered hand finally lets go.
Soon.

As i was waiting for my friend outside 7-11 last night, this man approached me.
If you notice, i always tend to use the word "guy'' to describe males.
But no, this was a MAN.
A man clad in formal working clothes from head to toe.
A man wearing glasses, looking smart.
A man old enough to be my father.

I was looking at the other direction thinking about something, when he interrupted my thoughts,
by saying "Hie"
I stared at him in complete blankness, trying to recall if i have met him somewhere.
If he was my lecturer, if he was a family friend, if he was any agent from any company...

And then.. :"Are you free now?"

Right away i thought it was some sales person trying to sell a product, a pastor or maybe just someone trying to talk about Christianity.

No. i was wrong again.

"I'm just wondering if i can buy you a cup of coffee some time...*pause*  or, maybe right now if you're free?"

Inside my head i was thinking "Dude, are you asking me out on behalf of your son or something" (And if you do happen to have a good looking son, i wouldn't mind haha)

I replied him "Uh, nah I'm actually going for a movie in 5 minutes, my boyfriend is just buying something inside." while fingers crossing that my FRIEND doesn't come out.   Because my FRIEND is a girl!






But yes, that scene was just a little disturbing.
I'm imagining my father doing that. No shite.

I'm so frustrated with myself!!@
I've always known and understood what it meant by 'easier said than done',
but maybe, i've never thought it will ever be this hard.
All it took was just one word,
and there i was, crashed and burnt.

Why can't i be a little stronger,
a little tougher,
and maybe a little more rational?
Why can't i stop being so indecisive,
and stick to my god damn decisions after making them?

Each time, my thoughts they sway left and right,
just like a pendulum whose lost its momentum.
I find reasons and excuses,
to comfort myself, to defend myself,
just so i think it's okay to be fickle,
but you and i, we know it's not.

The monochromatic images that i see,
only remind me of things that i want to be reminded of.
That boring bedtime story which i hear over and over,
is now the only thing that'd put me to sleep.